Amid college application season opening for the next round of dreamers, and a chorus of “¡si se puede!” veiling the process on our timelines. I dare to publicly express the torments of blindly navigating higher education. Now, I fully recognize that I’m no pioneer in the matter. The exclusion that nurses our higher education system is no secret. Earlier this summer, writer and lecturer Rachel Cargle, publicized Columbia University’s blatant racism, and subsequently revoked her enrollment. A great number of these institutions seized their “elite” status on the basis of segregation. In consequence, admission is illustrated as a privilege and not a right. A privilege that not a soul in my immediate circle was equipped to guide me through. In turn, I was likewise inadequate in advising my own sister, as the machine methodically gnawed at her spirit. Through these experiences, together we’re learning the importance of candor, community, and courage.
Candor
Expressing the joy felt when you see that digital confetti fall is cake. That life changing sentence, “Dear Stephanie, Congratulations! I am delighted to offer you admission to the University of…” Man, it felt like actually making all of those three-pointers the Warriors so desperately needed during this past finals season. Yeah, I went there. I felt GLORIOUS and a sea of cheers contesting Oracle flooded my phone. All the while, I kept my one rejection letter on the downlow*.
*Do kids still say downlow these days? Am I showing my age?
I metaphorically kept my rejection letter where y’all keep your “noodz”.
I felt that being open about my feelings regarding the rejection would be countered with perceptions of ungratefulness. Conversely, I didn’t want my feelings dismissed by the “everything happens for a reason” rhetoric. Lastly, I’ve been indoctrinated to hide vulnerability. But this is where candor comes in. Simply put, the rejection hurt.
I am beyond grateful for the opportunities life has gifted me. As a person on an open-ended spiritual path, I grasp that situations happen for a reason. But true to warrior definition, the wounds of warfare ache. And in order to heal, I gave myself full permission to feel; candidly and without apology. Being open and honest is imperative during this process, and a trill ass tribe will bring that out of you.
Community
I accepted the ache of rejection and tried to move forward. Which was wonderful, because an avalanche of new afflictions was in proximity. The threat of my admission being cancelled, finances, family feuds, and other miscellaneous woes festered in my chest. What else could go wrong? In an effort to answer my own question, I searched for the wise words of my fellow schoolmates online. They were my new community after all… right?
What I found during my informal research were a slew students dragging my dream school. From depthless comments regarding other students appearances, to brute insults towards the housing insecure, to victimizing their own privilege. I was HOT. I recognize that my home is not perfect, but I take great pride in the richness of our resources that are not for sale. Like heart.
My heart was like this:
If you think campus is “sketch”, you wouldn’t make it two steps down my block. And because of this, I can’t wait to challenge you in the job market.
Instead of degrading those struggling with housing, you should analyze how your attendance to a particular university subsidizes the issue. Furthermore, what are you doing to aid your neighbor?
And most importantly, I do not want to see your fragile-self trying (and failing miserably) to thizz dance at any location. Ever. I will be able to spot your off-beat-only-chorus-knowin-ass. PERIODT.
And so the woes moved from a state of festering to boiling… and the inevitable ensued. Eruption.
I was invited to participate in a special school orientation by the program that aided me during the application process. The program aims to increase and retain Black and/or African American, Latinx, or Native American students.
I didn’t wake up particularly emotional the day of orientation. I am a warrior after all, and warfare is the norm, with all of its comforting aches. I made my way to campus, I stopped for coffee, I sat and paid attention. All of the speakers were engaging, they were fellow warriors.
When it came time for the Q&A I raised my hand. I opened my mouth to speak, but my questions began pouring from my eyes. My rejection letter, my fears, the insults to my dream, tear by tear. My heart knew before I did, that it was safe to be vulnerable. I was with my true community.
Courage
I know what you’re thinking. “That’s beautiful and all... wow ‘questions pouring’ out of your eyes. Imma borrow that. But I ain’t going to college. Or even if I was, fuck that. Shit sounds wild.”
It is wild, but YOU ARE COURAGEOUS.
Even if you’re not applying to college. We’ve all applied for jobs, bid on different projects, requested a loan, etc. We are asked to prove our credentials against each other time and time again. These processes are humbling, frustrating, and proven emotional.
Pero look, you are fueled by courage. The art of surviving through oppressive systems sunrise to sundown is an act of tremendous courage.
Please do not forget that. Ever.
Conclusion
And what happens after the work?
After the confetti falls and the congratulatory dinners are paid for.
When escrow closes.
When you got the job… and the job sucks. Your mortgage is strangling you. Your university is pushing you out. Then what?
The avenue towards your dreams, and even life after your biggest achievement, is likely to host more potholes than my block. Sitting here and telling you otherwise, is not inline with keeping it real with you. Posting my university admission letter, talking about the struggle that comes with the dream, and helping you with the the struggle, now that’s real.
Be that as it may, when you find your purpose, your passion, your true calling, are you going to quit upon the first issue you encounter? Considering everything you’ve survived in this lifetime and beyond, I doubt you’re a quitter.
Apply to your dream school. Work on that project. Start that business. Shoot your shot warrior.
I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing either, but we’ll figure it out together. I believe in us.
Con amor,
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