“Your husband wants to take me out on a date.” Is what I want to respond when you tell me with a head-tilt of condolence, that you ‘hope’ that ‘one day’ I meet a man. I’ve met men, plenty of men. And let me tell you, meeting them is not a solution; it is absolutely the problem.
“Your husband wants to take me out on a date…” I refrain myself from writing this in your DM’s, with screenshots for the sake of bearing witness. I hold myself back, when I see your carefully orchestrated facade on my screen.
“Why aren’t you saying anything Stephanie? It’s your responsibility.” My responsibility to solve the relationship problems I have carefully and consciously worked on abstaining from. Would you like me to raise the kids too? The ones I didn’t enjoy creating. And suddenly everyone is fuming. I’m deemed enemy of the state simply for existing. It has somehow become my fault that your husband wants to take me out on date.
And what if I did tell you? Would you leave him? Or would you fight for a moment, ban my lawful name in the home and baptize me something different; la gorda, la prieta, la puta… and continue posting your date nights with a lump of problems swept under the carpet? I ask because I’ve seen it happen. I’ve let it happen. Sometimes we can see things with our very own eyes but convince ourselves that we are blind.
And you reading this. Is this my fault? Am I somehow responsible for unsolicited dicks and the health of relationships that I am not actively participating in? Am I to adhere to some unwritten girl-code that revolves around our relationships with men and not among ourselves? Where is THAT code? Should I write it?
What if I said it wasn’t actually someone’s husband? And it was just your boyfriend that wants to take me out. Does that somehow make it less traumatic? That everyone that’s in on it smiles in your face, while biting their tongues from truth. It’s not like you’re engaged… yet.
What if I said it wasn’t your husband, or your boyfriend, but it was actually someone’s girlfriend that wanted to take me home? Does that fall into some heterosexual-man’s-fantasy-loophole? What if it wasn’t just anyone’s girlfriend, but your sweet darling girlfriend that would never do such a thing… ever… she’s a good kisser by the way.
What if none of this is true? What if all of it is true? One thing I can tell you for certain is not to worry. I don’t want your husband, boyfriend, or girlfriend. Hell, you don’t even want them sometimes. So what makes you think I do?
You see, some of us enjoy writing, some enjoy cooking. Some couldn’t fry an egg if their life depended on it. Some are good at marriage and some are good at solitude. If there is diversity in our talents why should there be uniformity in our paths? That’s why our school system is a failure, there is a plethora of minds, and only one institutionalized way to learn. Why is it okay to say school isn’t for everyone but a monogamous relationship should be. I don’t tilt my head in condolence to my friends who’ve opted out of school and say, “One day you’ll get a degree.” “One day you’ll get a better job.” “One day you’ll figure out that your husband is scumbag.”
Your friend that complains about being single, give them the head-tilt of condolence and the hope of ‘one day’. The ones that jump out of their seats for the bouquet toss at a wedding, introduce them to someone. Those of us sipping our old fashioned at the open bar, don’t pity us. We didn’t necessarily disappear from the reception to use the bathroom… alone. Single does not equate lonely, and marriage does not equate fidelity.
In this life there are many choices that are made for you: the country you’re born in, the lives that are taken before yours… but the choices that you have the blessing of making for yourself; choose wisely. So when your husband asks me out on a date, question his choice, your choice... because I’ve already made mine.
And if you wanna wish me anything, wish me coins hunnay. Cuz this website ain’t free.
♡ Lola por Siempre